Walking with my head up high
I am not a writer. I never spoke about Hep C until I realized that I didn't have to be alone anymore.
When I found out I had Hep C it was after giving blood to the Red Cross. I was at work and my wife called me and told me that she just opened a letter mentioning I had it. Not just because of that but not long after we whre getting a divorce. She left me for another man, my world had just crumbled and for some reason I ended up forgetting about it until I met a girl who liked to live on the edge -- drugs, alcohol, sex. Out of that relationship came a boy -- that was 10 years ago. Being in a destructive relationship, I had to leave the home and ended up homeless. Since the first day that I left her, putting my faith in God, it was only me and him. I found ways to stay clean and work my way up back to a good position in a big company. In the process I gained full custody of my 3 year old son. He was my reason for living , He was the reason why I was clean. I told myself no one would ever love me. The shame I had about Hep C stopped me from being in a relationship, and I was just too busy taking care of that little boy. 7 years passed by. The mother only has 100 hrs of visit wit. I will never forget his first day at school. I was so proud of him. Going to parenting class, Dads group, Na meetings, doctor appointments -- all my time was dedicated to him almost forgetting about myself but always remembering that one day I would die not knowing when I wanted to give all I had to my son.
When I found out about the treatment I was told about the side effect that I wouldn't be able to care for my son as he was 4. I refused to get the treatment because I was alone with him no one else to care for him. Until a year ago when I decided that I was important to him that I needed to be there for him for the long run. I decided to go back to my home town near my family so I can get support for him as I would seek treatment. I left a $50,000 job ended up on welfar. It took 8 months before I could find the treatment. It gave me the confidence to start the program. Me and my son are together,I am 2 months in the treatment its getting much better. I am positive most of the time and I decided to start talking about it because living with Hep C is like a silent killer and it's always in the back of your head until we realize we are not alone Talking about it made me proud of who I am. It lifted that guilt, shame and that black cloud over my head. Me and my son are still alone. Dec 16 2011 it will be 7 years that I care for him full time. Having Hep C allowed me to invest time in him as I have been single for 10 years. I did date people but I always sabotage my relationship when it was getting too serious because of my condition. Today I want to help others to come clean with their Killer. I want them to know that he is not going to take my son's dad away from him. I live for me so I can have my life back and I am feeling the results and so is my son. I am so proud of myself. I am worth it. It's never too late to be in love and I will be because now I walk with my head up high.